moving on...

its times like this that i wish i could write in an elegant and meaningful way or take pictures in that creative way or something to fully get my thoughts down and to share. but i dont have those talents, so i'll make do with what i have.

i have experienced just about every emotion i thought possible in the last 5 days. i have also witnessed things that have made me proud of my work family, proud of the community, and super proud of one particular man. i have seen comraderie and intelligence and sweat and tears come together to form and to fight and ultimately, i hope, to win. it was an amazing thing to witness and see in action...how dozens and dozens of people can be organized and used for their talents to make a system work.

i think being a part of that helped me.

i am moving on...

one of the things i noticed about living on this side of the country is the lack of hugging that goes on. is that weird to say?? maybe its because everyone i know in the east i've known for most if not all of my life, and thats how we say hi. how we spread joy and help relieve sorrow. how we ask for things and how we depart.

people dont do that here. maybe its because the circle of people i know is just about all work folks. and i really dont want to hug most of them. but i still notice that lack and think about it occasionally.

so therefore, when i actually get a hug here i will remember it forever. i've gotten 3 hugs in the past 3 days, and each one meant the world to me. in this time of recovery and in the aftermath of tragedy, each one helps. each one got me a little farther along in that decompression process that i've seemed to put off for what feels like the longest 3 days of my life.

i feel like i can finally breathe without suffocating and eat without nausea and finally smile and mean it. i worry that tears will come at inappropriate times, like while picking out cereal in the grocery store, but i know they have to come sometime. i've found that just because i feel better doesn't mean they wont eventually fall. so yes, if you're walking along the aisle of safeway and come upon a chick furiously wiping her eyes and nose while staring at frosted mini wheats, feel free to say hi.

i know i'll still be dealing with this situation for months to come. if not at work, then in my head. but i am still moving on.

as i'm typing this i'm listing to my hotel roommate snore through her vodka soaked dreams. it makes me laugh (silently of course), and be ever so thankful for the blessings in my life.

"i was so excited there was pie in there, i choked on my grape." ~ karen burress