unspeakable

have you ever felt relief so great and so heavy that it actually feels worse than grief? all day i've had a pit in my stomach and a rock in my lungs. i can barely breathe for the relief. 12 straight hours of physical symptoms related to good news. i can't seem to get rid of it.

i can't even force myself to decompress. if anyone saw me walking atticus this evening they would wonder who the moping idiot was. sitting here i'm still a moping slightly bluthering idiot. and i dont feel any better or any less heavy.

i can't think straight and i'm scared to fall asleep wondering what torment my subconscious is going to bring. and all because i'm so stinking relieved.

i can't even think of a better word to use. "relief" just doesn't seem to cover it.

but i AM loved.

sarah, with her impecable timing, always knows how to bring light into my life.

waiting for me when i got home...

of course i'll be your valentine sarah!

"tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on it." ~ albert smith