Hope

if you give a little love

All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.

~ JRR Tolkien

Ham

This evening I passed my ham radio technician's test.  Woohoo!!!  Guess the lost sleep and last 26 hours of training time were worth it.

Being away from home for two full days has been horrible for my nutrition.  I'm way over recommended calories every day and have been eating crap.  And I feel it too.  Going to hit the gym early tomorrow morning so I can get at least a little workout in before another full day at the academy.  

And snaps for Atticus as he was inside for over 14 hours today and no accidents!!!!!

Teach us to give and not to count the cost.

~ Saint Ignatius

Food. Again.

So, I've been cooking...

Sweet potato butter.   

Black bean balls.  (i.e. vegan meatballs).  Next time (and yes, there WILL be a next time), I'll puree the beans first, cause these fell apart easily.  It sounds gross but they were actually really delicious.  Today I had some with spaghetti.  Yum!

My first attempt at making dog food.  WAYYY too time consuming for the outcome - 18 cups of food.  Too bad Atticus eats 2-3 cups a day.  For now I'll do halfsies with his regular food.  He does love it though, today he picked out all his handmade food and left all his regular food in his bowl.

Applesauce and walnut dog biscuits.  

The most colorful fried rice ever.  Based off this recipe for edamame fried rice.  I used purple sticky rice (that I got at a farmer's market in PA), and along with green edamame, orange carrots, and yellow eggs, it was very very pretty.

"raw cookie dough bites"....  Made from almonds, walnuts, oats, etc.  Keep frozen.  Stay delicious.

Normal is an illusion.  What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.  
~ Morticia Addams

My so-called life

I often daydream about what it would be like to live a normal life...9-5 job in a place with cubicles, white picket fences, dinners at home, being generally unaware of crime and human nature, etc etc etc.  Would I be happy?  Would I be content?  Would I enjoy life?  

Its a rhetorical question, because I don't think I'll ever have that "normal life".  Some days that makes me very very sad.  I want to keep tragedy and knowledge far far away from my being.  I want a schedule and a social life and a general consistency that I can count on.  

But, really?  That wouldn't be any kind of life for me.  People tell me on an almost weekly basis that "I couldn't do your job".  I don't think its my job per se.  I think its all the benefits and backlash that go with it.  Yes, I got up at 4am this morning.  BUT, I have a friend who is ALSO up at 4am, and who I chatted with for 45 minutes because we could and we were both up.  How many "normal" people have that?  Yes, my coworker was murdered just because of the entity that he represented, BUT, I felt the immense support of the community and of my work family, and I still receive kind words from strangers when they see me wearing Tony's name.  

You take the good with the bad.  At least you learn to.

Part of this spiel stems from this week.  Its been a rough couple of days back.  Part of this also came to mind because as I was reviewing my bad day just now and looking for something, ANYTHING, positive, I realized my day actually started out great - talking with a friend at 4am - and I didn't even realize it.  When I really needed to talk to someone, someone was there.  

So, desk job?  No.  Not for me.  Not anymore.  

Ahhh...someone who doesn't judge.  And that's a shadow, not a black eye.

If you can't fly, then run,

If you can't run, then walk,

If you can't walk, then crawl,

But whatever you do,

You have to keep moving forward.

~ MLK Jr

Ending

My vacation is drawing to a close.  I have a training in Tacoma tomorrow (Friday), one more day off (Saturday), and then back to work on Sunday.  I think I'm ready to go back.  Get some routine back in my life.  It'll be a little while til that can happen though, as I have on week of dayshift, a short weekend, two days at Camp Murray (going for my HAM radio test!),one day off, a week of swingshift, a long weekend, and then I'm starting on the graveyard shift.

I'm pretty satisfied with my month long vacation.  I got a 2 week east coast trip in, I celebrated Christmas and New Years with my family, I got to see my brand new niece, hang out with my nieces and nephews, etc.

And while here, I started on my "year of accomplishments", already fixing things that have been on my to-do list for years.  My windshield is fixed (I made another appointment and had it fixed yesterday), Atticus is up-to-date on shots, I opened a new savings account, I started calorie counting (more on that one day), my hair is cut and donated, etc.

And I'm continuing with my gym-going, recipe making, dog hair-filled life.

My new favorite kind of sandwich - hummus & veggies.  

Oh yeah, and I made Pitas.  PITAS!!  Good filled with peanut butter or hummus and veggies.  Recipe from here.

Biggest fail ever.  Supposed to be a fudge dessert made with protein powder.  It was so horrible I gagged on the taste.  The only thing successful about this was that it succeeding in smoking up both my oven and my kitchen.  

More Hummus!!!  This time some edamame hummus from the veganstoner.  Well, edamame bean dip.  Good with chips or with vegetables.

Today I made three different kinds of veggies for my lunches this week - fried brussel sprouts, roasted potatoes with artichoke hearts, and I'm roasting butternut squash right now.

I had wanted to make some dog biscuits, but I've been in the kitchen all day and need a break.  Hopefully tomorrow evening.

So, thats about it.  I'm a little apprehensive about going back to work, but oh well.  Excited to go back to the graveyard shift.

If you're lost and alone
Or you're sinking like a stone
Carry on.
May your path be the sound
of your feet upon the ground.
Carry on.
~ Fun

USPS

Finally made it to the post office.  Happy (belated) birthday, Eliana!!!!

The unselfish effort to bring cheer to others will be the beginning of a happier life for ourselves.
~ Helen Keller

Food

Well, the day started out very disappointing.  I took my car into have the windshield replaced, only to have them tell me after waiting for 30 minutes that the glass for my windshield had never arrived.  Keep in mind, this has been on my to-do list for over 6 BLOODY YEARS, and here they are telling me at 0925 on a Saturday morning that I would have to make another appointment, after I had bothered to show up early and ready to wait the 2 hours for a windshield replacement.

I went home, ticked off that it was too late to make it to any gym classes I wanted to go to, and ticked off that I was already dressed in normal clothing so I didn't want to dress to go to the gym anyway.

Instead I pouted for about 2 hours and played on the internet.  And then I got to work...

Avocado hummus and homemade tortilla chips.   

The avocado hummus I loosely based on this recipe:  

I added 1 can chickpeas (drained - but reserve the drainage water), 1 avocado, 1/4 cup water from the chickpeas, a bunch of salt (I really love salt), a couple dashes of cumin, 1 clove of elephant garlic, and 1 TBSP of lemon juice.  Add it all to a food processor and grind until smooth.  My adaptation was based on availability of ingredients and the fact that I'm not the hugest fan of cumin.  Overall it was pretty good.

Before you get all excited about my homemade tortilla chips....They're actually corn tortillas, cut into 6ths, and then baked at 350 for 20 minutes.  (Flip halfway through).  I've made them before with a little olive oil and salt, but since my hummus was pretty good, I skipped the oil and salt this time around.  I like my tortilla chips extra crispy, but if you decide to make them yourself you can make them on the chewier side.  

Chocolate peanut butter pudding

I can't find what this recipe was based off of, but again, it was a creation based on necessity (covering up the horrible taste of greek yogurt) and what I had on hand.  I swear, Trader Joes sells plain greek yogurt in sizes way too small or way too big.  This time I went with way too big and now I"m looking for ways to use it up. Anyways, I took 1 cup of plain greek yogurt, added 2 TBSP of cocoa powder, 2 spoonfuls of peanut butter (all I had left), 2 tsps of sugar, and then added some vegan chocolate chips.  I put it in the freezer while I ate my lunch, and had about 1/3 of the recipe above for my dessert.  Not bad.  Enough to satisfy the sweet tooth without making me regret eating it.  I kept it in the freezer, so we'll see what it looks like tomorrow.

Homemade vanilla creamer.  And yes....that IS a Shirley Temple pitcher!

Vanilla creamer was based off this recipe.   (The cheap recipe at the bottom of the page).  I changed it in the fact that I strained it after simmering it on the stove because the powdered milk would not dissolve completely.  It's still not bad.  It'll do as a cheap replacement for my favorite creamer, especially considering I have a mondo-coffee-tin full of powdered milk that my neighbor gave me before she moved.

Protein bars.

The protein bars are based off of this recipe.  I bought RAW protein powder last year but the taste is so distinctive and well, kinda gross that I haven't been able to use it in anything.  Its hard to cover up the taste.  But, it kinda of matches the tastes in this recipe.  I tried a little bit of a bar and its okay.  Could use a bunch more almond butter (I use almond butter and almond milk instead of peanut butter and milk) as its a little dry.  I also added some more vegan chocolate chips on top instead of the 6-8 packages of stevia it called for.
All my replacements were again, based out of necessity.  But I do look forward to eating these as a way to get a high amount of protein (17 grams) in a fairly low calorie snack (265 calories).  (You can compare that to a peanut butter cookie Lara bar which has 7 grams of protein and 220 calories.  Of course the Life Choice High Protein bars have a few more grams of protein and a few less calories but...I MADE THESE). :)

Oh, yes, and a sewing project!!!  

I love any project that allows me to use tinsel thread.

And thread sketching with tinsel thread.

And the world spins madly on...
~ The Weepies

New

New Recipe:

Avocado Egg Salad (a dozen eggs, 2 mashed avocados, a couple tablespoons of greek yogurt, then add the normal spices you put in egg salad)

 New Project:

No-sew dog-bed.  Made with left-over fleece and stuffed with old tshirts...idea from here.

And new Haircut.  No pictures yet.


Night has always pushed up day
You must know life to see decay
But I won't rot, I won't rot
Not this mind and not this heart,
I won't rot...
And now I cling to what I knew
I saw exactly what was true
But oh no more.
That's why I hold,
That's why I hold with all I have...
~ Mumford & Sons

Poor Atticus

A happier time...before his 3 shots....

Cannot even begin to describe how much I am enjoying all this time off.  Seriously.

For those of you who want to know...my accomplishment of the day was paying bills.  And researching (and buying) sports bras.  Wooo!!!

p.s.  I learned today my best friend had to put her dog down yesterday.  *Sad*  RIP Oscar

Make it simple, but significant.
~ Don Draper

Accomplishments Part 2

I didn't really intend for this to be a multi-part post, but I'm going to do it anyway.  It was nice to hear from those of you who commented or emailed so I know how you all are too.  And my mom sent me her list of accomplishments for the day!  Awesome!!

My day was better than I could have thought possible.  Although its hard to tell where ALL my time went (I got distracted putting stuff away multiple times....where does all this stuff come from and where does all of it go???), I did get my one accomplishment and more completed today:

Put away my Christmas stuff (although to be honest it was just about 5 things).

Cleaned up clutter.

Started on my niece's birthday present.

Hung up a Christmas present from my niece, and found a frame for a family photo and hung that up as well.

Made an appointment for Atticus tomorrow.

Made an appointment for my car's windshield on Saturday.

Made an appointment to get my hair chopped (!!!) on Friday.

Had short text conversations with 2 friends I haven't talked to in awhile.  (Accomplishment...ehhh...but I'm putting it on the list!)

Spent 2 hours at the gym.

Had such a good day I hung out and had a beer with my friend after the gym.  Heck, I got a lot done today, including calorie loss, I'm pretty sure I deserved it.

Creepy.  

It always seems impossible until it's done.
~ Nelson Mandella

Accomplishments

I have a lot that I want to change / start / try to do this year.  But I'm also very realistic and I know myself.  I can't just start these things all of a sudden and out of nowhere.  I need to work my way up.  Kinda like exercising.  One can't go immediately from couch potato to exercising every day - its not only unrealistic - but you're setting yourself up to fail with outrageous expectations.

So, as I have in the past, I've realized that I need to start small.  Work my way up.  I'm afraid that I'll go back to work in 12 days (yes - I have 12 more days of vacation!) and be upset with myself for not getting anything done.  So, I need to not only start small with my goals, but also realize that I'm never going to get everything done that I want to in the time period I give myself.  At least not without successfully starting small.

Anyways, currently my goal is to have one accomplishment a day.  Yesterday, that accomplishment was getting my to-do list done.  My list was comprised of:  #1 - Pick up Atticus from the kennel.  #2 - Go to the gym.  #3 - Buy groceries.  #4 - Take a shower.  #5 - Unpack.  

Silly and simple.  Those are things I would have done anyways, but I made finishing that list my accomplishment for the day.

Today my accomplishment was this:

Remind me to check on it in 4-6 months....

Tomorrow my goal will be to call the vet and make an appointment for Atticus.  So small, but I've been putting it off for months.  He just needs a shot, so its not anything serious, but its something that has been nagging me and on my to-do list for what feels like forever.

So, small.  Simple.  I can't really think beyond tomorrow either, because I will easily get overwhelmed.  Start a new budget notebook!  Make an appointment for my car!!  Research my dental insurance!!!  Make birthday presents!!!!  Call the insurance about getting a new windshield!!!!! Send off for a new passport!!!!! ETC ETC ETC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....until I'm so overwhelmed I stop doing things altogether.

So, there you go.  Finding motivation during unmotivated times.

Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different...
~ C.S. Lewis

Another year for the books

I was going to do a round-up for 2012 at the beginning of January, but I find myself less than motivated.

I'm currently tucked away in bed, snacking on Twizzlers (airport food!) and wine (stale Rose'), looking at the 200+ pictures I managed to take of this vacation and feeling a little bit tired and a little bit sad.

I'm eager for tomorrow as I will see Atticus again.  And get back into a routine with the gym.  And perhaps go grocery shopping.

The following are the only faceless pictures I took.  You can make up your own stories to go with them....

No matter how hard the past, you can always begin again.
~ Buddha