moving on...

its times like this that i wish i could write in an elegant and meaningful way or take pictures in that creative way or something to fully get my thoughts down and to share. but i dont have those talents, so i'll make do with what i have.

i have experienced just about every emotion i thought possible in the last 5 days. i have also witnessed things that have made me proud of my work family, proud of the community, and super proud of one particular man. i have seen comraderie and intelligence and sweat and tears come together to form and to fight and ultimately, i hope, to win. it was an amazing thing to witness and see in action...how dozens and dozens of people can be organized and used for their talents to make a system work.

i think being a part of that helped me.

i am moving on...

one of the things i noticed about living on this side of the country is the lack of hugging that goes on. is that weird to say?? maybe its because everyone i know in the east i've known for most if not all of my life, and thats how we say hi. how we spread joy and help relieve sorrow. how we ask for things and how we depart.

people dont do that here. maybe its because the circle of people i know is just about all work folks. and i really dont want to hug most of them. but i still notice that lack and think about it occasionally.

so therefore, when i actually get a hug here i will remember it forever. i've gotten 3 hugs in the past 3 days, and each one meant the world to me. in this time of recovery and in the aftermath of tragedy, each one helps. each one got me a little farther along in that decompression process that i've seemed to put off for what feels like the longest 3 days of my life.

i feel like i can finally breathe without suffocating and eat without nausea and finally smile and mean it. i worry that tears will come at inappropriate times, like while picking out cereal in the grocery store, but i know they have to come sometime. i've found that just because i feel better doesn't mean they wont eventually fall. so yes, if you're walking along the aisle of safeway and come upon a chick furiously wiping her eyes and nose while staring at frosted mini wheats, feel free to say hi.

i know i'll still be dealing with this situation for months to come. if not at work, then in my head. but i am still moving on.

as i'm typing this i'm listing to my hotel roommate snore through her vodka soaked dreams. it makes me laugh (silently of course), and be ever so thankful for the blessings in my life.

"i was so excited there was pie in there, i choked on my grape." ~ karen burress

unspeakable

have you ever felt relief so great and so heavy that it actually feels worse than grief? all day i've had a pit in my stomach and a rock in my lungs. i can barely breathe for the relief. 12 straight hours of physical symptoms related to good news. i can't seem to get rid of it.

i can't even force myself to decompress. if anyone saw me walking atticus this evening they would wonder who the moping idiot was. sitting here i'm still a moping slightly bluthering idiot. and i dont feel any better or any less heavy.

i can't think straight and i'm scared to fall asleep wondering what torment my subconscious is going to bring. and all because i'm so stinking relieved.

i can't even think of a better word to use. "relief" just doesn't seem to cover it.

but i AM loved.

sarah, with her impecable timing, always knows how to bring light into my life.

waiting for me when i got home...

of course i'll be your valentine sarah!

"tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on it." ~ albert smith

another day

another day of overcast skies and walking atticus in the downpours that only occur when we're outside. *sigh*

"for how can one know color in perpetual green, and what good is warmth without cold to give it sweetness?" ~ john steinbeck

garfield

i think mondays should be banished. even when they fall on a thursday.

but despite how my monday started out (frustrating), and ended (2am because of a 12 hour shift), it wasn't really all that bad.

work reminded me how much of an impact i have on people.

and coming home reminded me that a dogs love is unconditional. not a bad wrap up to a long day.

double chins & all...

"ketchup is amazing." ~ jonathan chubb

how is it sunday again?

seriously, how is it already my sunday night? my weekend flew by. i'd say i didn't get anything done but that would be a lie. my bathroom is super duper clean. even the floor AND the bathtub. all my sewing stuff is put away (organized would not be an appropriate word here). i'm itching to get it back out again, but i told myself i need to have at least 3 projects to do and have them all cut out before the sewing machine comes up out of hiding. and mending my pajama pants does not count as one project. hmm....i have my food made for the week. for both me AND atticus. warm food too - not sandwiches. i went grocery shopping. i FINALLY re-did katie's present and went to the post office. (after she gets it i'll post some pictures! woohoo!) i dyed my hair (no more witchy gray!!). laundry is done. living room is kinda clean. sheets are changed.

i think thats all i did. oh yeah, and i just finally watched the ending to prison break. and i cried for about 5 minutes at the ending. jeez. never saw it coming! *big sigh* oh, and i spent like 4 hours this morning drinking coffee and catching up on blogs. mwahahahaha....oh, the single and childless life.

whew. the weekend sounds a little bit more productive than it feels, even with the sitting around. and i didn't have to dig myself out of 3 feet of snow, so i am counting my blessings.

looking for a picture to include....can't have a pictureless entry...

this picture makes me laugh. i'm sitting on my huge-o bed (behind that bright flash) taking a picture towards my closet, which is one huge mirror, so you can see that atticus has chosen to fall asleep on the floor. apparently its more comfortable than a king-size bed. dont look too closely at the fact that my blanket's askew, and please please please dont look in the open doors of my closet. :) just look at the irony called atticus.

"its like a perfume, called 'spirit of alicia', smells like pickles and coke." ~ katie bates

happiness...

okay, i know this is amazingly shallow, but sometimes happiness CAN be bought. and it looks a little like this:




and like this:




as you can probably guess....my fabrics came!!!!!!

now its time for a little show & tell....


my kiddo choices:




this i saw for a specific kiddo (subject to change!) ....



for a somewhat older kiddo....(shhh!!!)

(and i already know what i'm going to make with it! of course thats also subject to change...)

kinda whimsical & fun fabric...

(i've been digging turquoise lately, dont know why)

sophisticated and pretty fabrics:





up close with the more sophisticated palate (i really wish i could take better pictures):





and my MOST FAVORITE fabric of all...



[insert drum-roll here]







i dont even mind that they're not claussens.

so there you have it....$50.79 worth of fun.

"get a good thing, hold it close to your heart." ~ joy electric

my work baby

my work baby.

encouraging the un-sick to come to work. it worked for the 6 months i ran it last year. crossing my fingers it works again this year - for all 12 months. we'll see!!

dedicated to the 2 hours of overtime i worked today, and the 150 hours of overtime i worked in 2009. my paycheck loves you but my dog does not!!

"there is a good life right across this green field, and each generation stares at it from afar..." ~ john mellencamp