Time

As I look back over the past couple of weeks, what strikes me most is how the passage of time has been the one constant that seems to make things better.  It's hard to remember both the extreme joy and extreme sadness, as time has erased those heavy feelings, leaving only a memory of what you might have been feeling.  Really, was it that good?  I don't think so.  Could it have been that bad?  Surely not, as I can't conjure up the heavy despair any more.

 Feelings of loss weaken to a dull ache.

The pang of heartbreak is a distant memory.

Likewise the extreme headiness of joy has been replaced by a faint smile at what once was or what once could have been.

And that calls into question...what will happen to change these feelings tomorrow?  One instance, one word, one THING, and the roulette wheel of possibility spins again.  Will it be good?  Will it be a disappointment?

I know time changes nothing but our perceptions and our feelings.  It quiets memories.  But WE are the ones that decide to heal, we are the ones who take the steps to change, we are the ones who make the daily sacrifices in all aspects of our lives.  Time doesn't make the decisions, time doesn't force us to change, and time doesn't sacrifice.

Time puts everything into the past and forces us to keep moving forward.  Sometimes I really want time to stop, to freeze the current feeling so I can bask in it.  Other times, I'm so glad for time.  Because surely, everything will be better tomorrow.  And the next day.  And the day after that.

I want to tell you that time heals.  But in the midst of your world, you don't want to hear my pithy phrases.  For you, time kills, time drags, and time only makes this current despair heavier.  I cannot make it better.  I can only wait:  biding time, until time has finally worked its magic on  you.

Do something instead of killing time.  Because time is killing you.  
~Paulo Coelho

Tuesday

Yesterday when I left for work I told Atticus "See you in eight hours!".  I shoulda known better.  The first week in awhile with no scheduled overtime and I'm forced into a 12 hour shift by a coworker who calls in sick.  It never ends!!!!!

I slept quite poorly this morning after work (probably due to the caffeine intake required to do a 12 hour shift), woke up after 4 hours of sleep, finished my book in the 90 degree heat of the afternoon (yay for random sunny days in September!), and headed to the gym for 2 hours.  Now I'm back and waiting for my tofu/edamame nuggets to finish baking (it's my latest Trader Joes obsession.  They're surprisingly good after I put some sweet and sour chili sauce on them.)  It's an amazingly exciting life I lead some days....

Evergreens, sunny skies, and a silly ole dog...

Yesterday was my Monday, much better than I thought it would be.  I'm almost looking forward a little to the rest of the week.

Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things that escape those who dream only at night.
~ Edgar Allan Poe

This week

This week has been difficult.  It's work and it's personal, and its everywhere in between.  I want it to be next week already, but I have a sinking feeling it's not going to be any better.

*sigh*

I'm not sleeping well, either.  That adds to it.  I took a burnout quiz last night at work.  One week back and I'm already on the "dangerous" end of the scale.  I'm not sure how that happened.  Three and a half months til my next vacation.

Twelve hour shifts today and tomorrow, and my 7 day workweek will finally come to an end.  18 hours of overtime my first week back.  That was pretty dumb.

The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven... 
~ John Milton

Last day of vacation

My last day of vacation was yesterday.  I tried to make the most out of it.  After a morning at the gym and the farmers market, a couple of us hit up the Bremerton Blackberry Festival:

"wine tasting" at 25 cents a pop.

The place was so crowded though, we opted to take advantage of our adult status and hung out in the beer garden and talked for about 3 hours.

Afterwards, my friend Ben and I hit up a tapas lounge:

Goat cheese stuffed bacon-wrapped dates.  I'm trying to figure out how I can replicate them.  

Then a movie - the End of the World.  DON'T BOTHER.  Apparently we didn't read the movie summary well enough as we were left shaking our heads afterwards.  Silly movie.

Then some hard cider and fried pickles at a local restaurant, before we called it a day.

Unfortunately, I fell asleep in exhaustion about 11pm, waking up at 7am.  This will *NOT* help me return to the graveyard shift. Not at all.....

If only I had an enemy bigger than my apathy I could have won.
~ Mumford & Sons

Last post in August/Vacation Round-up

So, I don't like #1 girl singers or #2 popular music, but this song is an exception.  I don't know why, but I like it.  So listen if you want, while I post some pictures from vacation.



I spent the weekend with my friend, Sarah, in Austin, TX.

In the sidewalk outside a restaurant.

Sarah and I spent the weekend sans family.  Our first stop was a wildflower center.  Huge disappointment.  The best part was the swings.

This was the only flower I saw.

That night we went to a piano bar.  Songs were up to $100 a pop.  Ridiculous.

We didn't realize it beforehand, but we went to the piano bar in the entertainment district of Austin, and at night during the weekends, the police blockade off the entire section of the entertainment district for nightly partying.  I wish I could describe the atmosphere....it was incredible:  huge crowds of people wandering the open blocks, stopping in bars, talking, eating. It was awesome.

There were also some characters in the crowds, catering to tourists like me.....  I couldn't resist a picture. And yes, I totally put money in his underwear.

The next day we had an enlightening day in Austin, visiting first the state capital building (site of a recent popular filibuster!):

Texans love their lone star, and you saw it EVERYWHERE.  

Just in case you didn't know where you were.  

 After that we went to one of the art museums:

Part of a large art piece. These were all animal bones.

Heh heh.  I want to make him my profile picture.

View of Austin from Ladybird Lake.

 That night we went on a boat tour to see the Congress St bats:  the largest urban colony of bats in the world.  You can see all the people on the bridge waiting...

It sounds kinda gross to see a million bats at once, but it was really very awesome.

Bats heading into the sunset.

Next stop...Pennsylvania.  These are in no particular order.  Also, I omitted any photos with kid faces.

My brother and I rocking our Sevenly tshirts.

Emily playing with both dinos and Polly Pockets.  They were living in harmony.

First day of school for Andrew and Sarah. 5 out of 6 adults using their cell phones.

Emily wouldn't have her first day til 2 days later.

Dinner with an Amish family.  The (hard to see) rainbow tells you you're in the right place.

My nieces and nephews are all beautiful and full of energy.  

A day at the amusement park!

Heh heh. Sorry, Eden.  I couldn't help it.

Some kiddie rides only allowed adults on certain places.  Jonathan trying to balance on a reindeer.

Swings!

Shaylah and Eliana on a roller coaster (very back row).

Yeah I went on that.  Not my favorite.

Kiddos at the end of the day...before the downpour.

Impromptu "football" game at my sister's house.  

Eliana's rendition of me in chalk.

I convinced my mom to eat fried pickles.

My friend Erin visited from Philly and knitted me a birthday present.

Crab feed!

Andre practicing his baton skills.

Mrs Pickles.

First day of school for Eliana!

I'm really glad I don't have to re-do elementary school.  Or any type of school for that matter.

And as always, the end of vacation.  Atticus and I were happy to see each other.

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen. 
~E. Kubler-Ross

Home

Back at home.  Long day of travel yesterday, with cancelled flights, rerouting, delayed take-offs.

Soon time to get my dog, buy food, mow the lawn.  Back to normal life.

A sign in Austin, TX.

People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness.  Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost.
~ Dalai Lama

The first post in August

Somehow over a week has gone by without me even getting into blogging world.  How did that happen?

I have a feeling because I haven't cooked in three weeks (not in the mood - too hot, no motivation, no new ideas), and have been busy at the normal things in life, a week just flew by.

But things are good, great and wonderful.  Four more working days til I'm on vacation.  10 more days until my TX/PA trip.

The trouble will be maintaining what little motivation I have for the rest of the work week.

Her heart sank into her shoes 
as she realized at last how much she wanted him.  
No matter what his past was,
No matter what he had done.
Which was not to say that she
would ever let him know,
but only that he moved her chemically
more than anyone she had ever met,
that all other men seemed pale beside him.
~ F Scott Fitzgerald