Beat

I could tell you all the details of my weekend, of my last night, of my day today, of going from graveyard to dayshift, of getting less than 3 hours of sleep, etc etc etc.

Instead, I will just say....I am beat.

Drinking my dinner.  No, that's not rootbeer.  It's me, unable to properly pour a spire dark.

Learn to enjoy every minute of your life. Be happy now. Don't wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy in the future. Think how really precious is the time you have to spend, whether it's at work or with your family. Every minute should be enjoyed and savored. 
~E. Nightingale

The heart

I was driving home today, deep in thought, and something my wise friend Virginia said once popped into my head...."The heart wants what it wants."

I'm thinking of setting aside all the good-intentioned advice from friends, and follow my heart for a little.  I'm wondering where exactly it will lead.

Every girl needs some farmers market flowers.  And fruit.  And cheese....

The soul always knows what to do to heal itself.  The challenge is to silence the mind.
~ Caroline Myss

I haven't talked about food in awhile

Although I haven't talked about it, I've been making it.  Sans photos, mostly, but here's a recent recipe round-up...

Pumpkin Pie Roasted Almonds.  This recipe had an added side affect of making my entire house smell like fall.

Spicy Miso Dipped Tempeh.  I really hate tofu, but I really love tempeh.  I buy the multi-grain version at Trader Joe's.  It's my way of saving a chicken.  Also, I really don't like to handle raw meat.

Raw Peanut  Butter Pie.  Everyone at work who tried it went from skeptical to appreciative.  So apparently it tastes much better than it looks.  

Both Beet Hummus & Black Bean Hummus.  I'm pretty sure I just don't like beets.  Even in hummus.  But it makes a good sandwich filler.

Coconut Tempeh with Mango Honey Dipping Sauce.  Yeah, the recipe calls for chicken but I've already discussed my thoughts on chicken.  Still tastes awesome with tempeh.

And my crowning glory....Stuffed soft pretzels.

I made one batch stuffed with spinach, artichoke, bacon, and cheese, and the second batch stuffed with bacon and cheese.  These were gobbled up by even my most skeptical coworkers, and I brought none home.  A lot of work, but overall not so bad.  

With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come.

~ William Shakespeare

The end of September

Rain and cold has come to the PNW.  And a fall melancholy settles over the land...

Two people have told me recently that they think I'd make a great travel partner.  I have my sights set on that next year....2014, the year of travel.

Step 1 - renew my passport.

Booking photos or passport photos?

The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation itself, but your thoughts about it.
~ Eckart Tolle

Time

As I look back over the past couple of weeks, what strikes me most is how the passage of time has been the one constant that seems to make things better.  It's hard to remember both the extreme joy and extreme sadness, as time has erased those heavy feelings, leaving only a memory of what you might have been feeling.  Really, was it that good?  I don't think so.  Could it have been that bad?  Surely not, as I can't conjure up the heavy despair any more.

 Feelings of loss weaken to a dull ache.

The pang of heartbreak is a distant memory.

Likewise the extreme headiness of joy has been replaced by a faint smile at what once was or what once could have been.

And that calls into question...what will happen to change these feelings tomorrow?  One instance, one word, one THING, and the roulette wheel of possibility spins again.  Will it be good?  Will it be a disappointment?

I know time changes nothing but our perceptions and our feelings.  It quiets memories.  But WE are the ones that decide to heal, we are the ones who take the steps to change, we are the ones who make the daily sacrifices in all aspects of our lives.  Time doesn't make the decisions, time doesn't force us to change, and time doesn't sacrifice.

Time puts everything into the past and forces us to keep moving forward.  Sometimes I really want time to stop, to freeze the current feeling so I can bask in it.  Other times, I'm so glad for time.  Because surely, everything will be better tomorrow.  And the next day.  And the day after that.

I want to tell you that time heals.  But in the midst of your world, you don't want to hear my pithy phrases.  For you, time kills, time drags, and time only makes this current despair heavier.  I cannot make it better.  I can only wait:  biding time, until time has finally worked its magic on  you.

Do something instead of killing time.  Because time is killing you.  
~Paulo Coelho

Tuesday

Yesterday when I left for work I told Atticus "See you in eight hours!".  I shoulda known better.  The first week in awhile with no scheduled overtime and I'm forced into a 12 hour shift by a coworker who calls in sick.  It never ends!!!!!

I slept quite poorly this morning after work (probably due to the caffeine intake required to do a 12 hour shift), woke up after 4 hours of sleep, finished my book in the 90 degree heat of the afternoon (yay for random sunny days in September!), and headed to the gym for 2 hours.  Now I'm back and waiting for my tofu/edamame nuggets to finish baking (it's my latest Trader Joes obsession.  They're surprisingly good after I put some sweet and sour chili sauce on them.)  It's an amazingly exciting life I lead some days....

Evergreens, sunny skies, and a silly ole dog...

Yesterday was my Monday, much better than I thought it would be.  I'm almost looking forward a little to the rest of the week.

Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things that escape those who dream only at night.
~ Edgar Allan Poe

This week

This week has been difficult.  It's work and it's personal, and its everywhere in between.  I want it to be next week already, but I have a sinking feeling it's not going to be any better.

*sigh*

I'm not sleeping well, either.  That adds to it.  I took a burnout quiz last night at work.  One week back and I'm already on the "dangerous" end of the scale.  I'm not sure how that happened.  Three and a half months til my next vacation.

Twelve hour shifts today and tomorrow, and my 7 day workweek will finally come to an end.  18 hours of overtime my first week back.  That was pretty dumb.

The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven... 
~ John Milton