Here's some pics to tide you over...

I haven't felt much like blogging lately.  I don't take pictures of much.  And if I do, I instagram them, share them on Facebook, and then say, why would I post them to my blog as well???  BORING.  

Anyways, just a couple things.  I've been trying to go out of my comfort zone.  Trying new things.  Its uncomfortable and weird and icky and occasionally cool.  For example, I met an east-coast couple (the dude is from Lancaster, PA!!!) in a coffee shop randomly, and gave them my number.  They live in Seattle, but I hope they call me up one day if they're on this side.  And if they don't?  I'm okay with that.   

My work schedule is ugly.  Everyone who has heard about it who I don't work with asks if my boss hates me.  It's that ugly.  Graveyard last week, two dayshifts and 3 graveyards this week, traveling on both my dayshifts, then next week is dayshift, then swingshift, and then I think I might finally be back on graveyards for awhile.  Either way, my body is rebelling and doesn't know what to do half the time.

Today I cooked some butternut squash.  Fancy like.  Although I didn't completely follow this recipe...  It was okay.  I prefer my squash roasted with salt.

And I made some Date Syrup.  To replace honey or agave.  Haven't used it yet.  Smells sugary.  

I also made some flourless peanut butter chocolate chip cookies.  Just cause they're flourless doesn't make them healthy though.  Using peanut butter as the main ingredient DOES make them delicious.

 I've been trying to go through all my frozen foods and pantry items (i.e. squash out the kazoo!) instead of buying stuff from the grocery store.  Its only half working.  There's only 10-15 ways to make a squash until you get really really really tired of squash.  Or at least the prep work.

I'm hoping tomorrow I can make some vegan-like hamburger barbecue using TVP.  Just gotta go buy some ingredients.

Raked more leaves today.  In the heavy wind.  FAIL.  Can you see Atticus???

Sometimes your only available transportation is a leap of faith.

~ Margaret Shepard

Lost

I've been a bit overwhelmed this week with work, as I have been given a big project to do along with 12 hour days, and now a 14 hour day that includes both dayshift and graveyard, and I'm feeling a bit lost among it all.

I'm also feeling ugh due to the overwhelming amount of times I've eaten out this week, my lack of gym time, and topsy-turvy schedule and loss of routine.  I actually went to the gym last night, hoping to get an hour of eliptical time, and ended up having to quit after 30 minutes because I was so lightheaded.  Eating solved that, but still....that has never happened to me before.

My 'accomplishment a day' has been put on a slight hold, mainly because the days still only have 24 hours and I need a few more.  What I've gotten accomplished has occurred in my 30 minutes of coffee-time each morning, and only what I can get done from a computer (hello online shopping!)

On my to-do list for tonight before I head off for my first graveyard shift:  make two superhero tshirts for a 3 year old boy (at least I bought the shirts, I just have to do the painting!).  Also, email info to someone that I've just been putting off.  I also want to submit an inspirational meme to Strong Lola for a contest she's having, but that might not happen.  Oh, and cook something healthy for dinner.  Or at least scavenge in the kitchen for something healthy to take for dinner.

And, GO!!!!

An unrelated picture of Atticus showing off my new refrigerator art.

Trust your instincts.  Intuition doesn't lie.
~ Oprah Winfrey

Amazing

I find it amazing sometimes....

....I was feeling overwhelmed and upset about a problem at work.  I go to work and it all seems to have figured itself out (for now)....

...Just one conversation with a friend who understands me is enough to rectify a week's worth of frustration....

....the horror and anxiety of going outside of my comfort zone always seems to work out well....

...I am well and truly blessed.

A random photo from the gym this morning.  I did a kettlebell exercise routine today during one of my classes.  Fun!!!

She said she usually cried at least once each day not because she was sad, but because the world was so beautiful and life was so short.
~ Brian Andreas

Another photo dump



I bought some new measuring cups to help motivate me to cook. 



Fresh eggs from my CSA.  They are pretty.

Poor dragonfly was caught in a spiderweb in the window.  Doesn't he look fierce?  I rescued him but he flew into another one and tuckered out.  Circle of life. 

I tried bee pollen this week.  Supposedly gives you energy.  Just tasted chewy to me.

Second to last pedicure session with Jenni.  She's leaving in July. 

Trying to get back to doing more cardio.  I'm bored with most of the classes, so I ended up on the elliptical this week.  I compared it to the first of my cardio sessions last year....1/2 mile more, 25 more strides per minute, and almost 100 more calories burned.  Perhaps I'm getting better.

Sometimes I work out just so I can eat pie and catch up with friends. 

Guess where Atticus was sitting when I was petting him?  Ridiculous.

"Somehow your burp has made me want a soda real bad."
~ K.N.

Hole

I'm forming an acid hole in my stomach.  Work stress coming at me from about 12 angles.  10 more work hours, and I have 6 days off.  Keep thinking of that.... 

Today I led a group meeting at work.  I learned some details of Tony's murder that made me sick to my stomach.  I was glad to be privy to this information, but still.  Sick.  And then went to Pilates to de-stress afterwards and was asked to be the demonstrator for the class (my instructor is 6 months pregnant and can't do many of the exercises anymore).  Which means I'm up front and she says "look at Alicia do *this*".  I'm much happier in amongst everyone else in my own little bubble where I think no one can see me.  Pilates helped ease the acid hole, but made me highly self-conscious.

Have many things to do but just about no desire to do them.  I need to come up with motivation to last me 10 more hours at work.  Then tomorrow maybe I can clean and do the wash and pack etc.  36 hours I'll be at the airport. 

Just keep thinking of that.

"You felt no reality, no knife of sorrow cut your intestines to bits.  Only a weariness, a longing for a shoulder to sleep on, and a pair of arms to curl up in."
~ Sylvia Plath

Trying to step out of the funk

I've been in another funk.  No reason.  Just one of those life things, maybe?

Here's what I've been doing lately to try to remove the funk....

Hanging with my dog.  Sewing project in the background.  Yup, I'm just now starting on January birthday presents.  Sorry everyone.

Volunteered at Walk MS.  It was a fun and humbling experience.

Went out on a veggie limb tonight.  Modified a zucchini fritter recipe to include eggplant, mushrooms, sweet potatoes and carrots.  With some caribbean jerk seasoning and cheese.  Not too bad.  I enjoy having a food processor.

Hung out at my neighbor's tonight and shared the veggie feast.  We played "hit the fan with the nerf gun arrows" after dinner. 

Ahhhhh....at least looking at my pictures made me smile.

Fear makes us feel our humanity. ~ Benjamin Disraeli

Monday

If we must part forever,

Give me but one kind word to think upon,
And please myself with, while my heart's breaking.
~Thomas Otway

Grief

Grief is a funny thing.  We all handle it differently.

Sometimes you think you can shove it aside.  But its always there, lurking under the surface of everything...making your stomach heavy and your heart slow...

And then it starts to leak out.  In tears.  In anger.  In voiced memories... 

You cannot run from grief.  You may be able to hide it from others.  But you cannot hide from yourself the fact that you are hurting.

It helps to have a family who is hurting too.  A community who is standing behind you.  Friends who are there when you need them. 

But grief is still grief...weighing you down.  Always there reminding you that life will truly never be quite the same as it used to be. 

(And then sometimes it becomes compounded by even more grief.  Yes, I knew him too).

Sorrow you can hold, however desolating, if nobody speaks to you. If they speak, you break down.
~ Bede Jarrett

First, Second, Third...

I ran for the third time last night.  I have to chronicle this because its so rare.  I hadn't been to the gym all week due to my work schedule and the weather, but got right back on the horse by running.

1st run:  I made it 1/4 mile before having to stop in exhaustion
2nd run: I made it 3/8th of a mile before having to stop...mostly out of pain (see below)
3rd run: I made it 5/8th of a mile before I had to stop (mostly out of lack of oxygen.  I hate running).

Wooo....I was excited.  My next goal is 7/8th of a mile or a full mile. 

My coworker (who happens to have a has a masters in sports medicine....  Why she now works where I do is a lesson in college sports and college politics)...anyways, I've been having pretty bad nerve pain in my lower right leg when running and I asked her if I could do anything about it... My doctor told me it was related to my sciatica and told me it was fine as long as it doesn't bug me and suggested I stay away from activities that exacerbate it.  Anyways, long story short my coworker thinks I also have chronic compartment syndrome.  Sounds ominous.  Well, if you look at this Wikipedia article it is....but make sure you scroll to the chronic section, thats less ominous because its exercise induced.  Essentially compartment syndrome is the muscles that surround the nerve tighten a bit as they're being used (i.e. exercise) and blood flow causes the muscle to expand...thus cutting off the nerves that run through the muscle.  I don't know why it happens selectively, and for me its only happening in one leg.  The only bother (besides the nerve pain, which if you've ever had its kind of excrutiating sometimes) is the fact that the nerves being cut-off run to my foot and I start to lose feeling in it.  I don't realize I can't feel my foot though, until I start to drag my foot and end up tripping. 

But, I figured if I make it through this run in February (running a mile and a half on the city streets of Seattle), THEN I can go bother the doctor.  My running partner has been training in physical therapy, so I told her about what my coworker thinks and we discussed it.  Last night at the Y I stood there after running while she examined both legs to make sure I was okay and there wasn't any stretching skin or swelling.  See, while the above makes me sound unresponsible, I still can be responsible when I want to be.  In fact, running this time wasn't as bad because I spent a lot of time stretching out my leg muscle before running (at the suggestion of my coworker). 

Dayshift is making me short tempered.  I snapped twice at one of my coworkers because he didn't notice something extremely obvious and then made a stupid comment.  *sigh*  I need to learn to take more deep breaths.  I did the adult thing and apologized immediately for snapping, but still.  Ergh. 

This has already been a long week.  Maybe its because I did nothing but be snowed in last weekend, maybe its my current tiredness, I don't know.  But I'm really looking forward to the weekend.

A flower in my yard before the snow storm.  I haven't checked to see if it was still there.

What is a face, really? Its own photo? Its make-up? Or is it a face as painted by such or such painter? That which is in front? Inside? Behind? And the rest? Doesn't everyone look at himself in his own particular way? Deformations simply do not exist.
~ Pablo Picasso

A first time for everything

I cooked. 

Yes, thats right.

I know you're thinking "umm...that can't be the first time Alicia's cooked".  Well, its not.  But it IS the first time I actually favored cooking fresh chicken and vegetables over making the absolutely delicious Trader Joe's pizza I have in the freezer.

Now, I know when you look at the picture you will probably think "yes...that looks like something Alicia might have cooked"...but in my defense...#1.  thats cheese.  #2. I took the picture on my phone.  #3.  The brown-looking chicken is only that color because I used brown sugar to cook it in.  #4.  There actually is color to the vegetables (for example, red skinned potatoes and green zucchini) it just all disappeared under the influence of cheese and a poor quality photo. 

Despite how it looks, it was delicious...and, not too bad health wise.  I know I keep saying "cheese!" (in fact, all I could hear replaying in my head all night has been "Cheese, George, Cheese!!!"), but apparently a little goes a long way and there's actually very little on there. 

In other news, the snow is gone.  Replaced instead by heavy rain, extremely gusty wind, occasional power outages, and the overwhelming desire to stay inside with the covers over my head. 

In fact, I'm currently in bed while writing this, as my bedtime is 8pm (okay, so I'm a little bit past that) now that I'm a part of the land of the living (aka dayshift).  So, soon, I will get to pull the covers over my head as I listen to the overgrown bushes scratch at my bedroom window.

*mentally adding hedge trimmers to my growing list*

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
~ Erma Bombeck

First down...not yet out

What a past couple of days.  If its not one thing, its another.

Wednesday night I rushed home after a 12 hour shift, let Atticus outside, and went back to my bedroom to change out of my work clothes.  While I'm back there I heard a really loud "BANG".  I was pretty sure the sound was somewhere in the house, and I eliminated basically everything I owned making that sound because of the actual sound.  You know how you hear something fall or hear something break and you just KNOW what it is based on the sound?  Well, I could tell you I DIDN'T know what it was based on the sound.  I knew it came from inside the house somewhere, but I couldn't even pinpoint where.  I walked from room to room looking for possible culprits.  Nothing.  I looked outside with Atticus.  Nothing. 

Oh well, I shrugged to myself.  I'll figure it out later.  I had to leave to go meet up with someone.  I go out to the garage (I don't store my car in the garage - I'd have to concentrate too much on not hitting anything, its pretty small - but I do leave and enter through my garage just because I like to.)  Anyways, I hit the garage door button, and I hear something akin to high tension wires snapping, and the whole garage door mechanism, from the bottom to top, starts making a really loud sound and shimmying very badly.  There were 2 wires on either side that starting bouncing around too. 

Huh.  That would probably explain the bang I heard.

I got outside and hit the garage door button again.  Haha...I really wish I would have recorded the door thumping to the ground.  I mean, it didn't fall off the tracks or anything, but it made a decisive "thump" when it closed.  

I called my landlord when I got to my meeting location.  He answered the phone "now what?".  In a nice way, of course.  He came to check the door out after I got home that night, and to check on the water heater etc.  The "BANG" I heard?  That was the main spring at the top of the door breaking.  I'm pretty sure it stayed contained in the door mechanism, but now that I know what it was, I wouldn't be surprised if I find a spring embedded in the wall somewhere. 

Since then, I have talked to Mark (landlord) and Alex (Mark's brother who is going to fix the garage door) about 20 times.  Seriously.  Alex calls to make sure I'll be home so he can access the garage, then he calls for garage door information he didn't write down, then he gives me progress reports etc.  Hes funny.  The first time he came over he played more with Atticus than doing anything with the garage door.  I don't mind...Atticus needs a friend.  Someone other than me.  Mark has actually been very proactive with my whole electric bill thing.  Next week we have a guy coming over who is going to go through the house to see if he can find any major energy draws.  I think he's also going to have the electric company check the meter to see if its broken.  And, he's going to replace the heating elements in my hot water heater.  I'm pretty sure I need a whole new hot water heater, but I'm willing to deal with the one I have now as long as its not the energy vampire. 

I'm feeling a little better about life.  Not in such a funk.  I think it helps that I had a full and fun weekend.

Oh, and I started to run.  Actually run.  Tonight was my first night.  Pretty sure I'm going to hate myself for it tomorrow, but guess what.  I'm going running again tomorrow. 

All because I signed up for a fun run. 

:D

One of the many reasons why going out with girlfriends is fun...they're willing to split a huge brownie dessert!

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
~ Erma Bombeck

First defeated

Today was "bad-news day". 

I've been dealing with something personal that only got worse today.  Just plain old bad news.  Can't talk about it but I wish I could express the complete depths of my disappointment with the whole situation.  Quite simply, I was let down in a big way. 

I get home this afternoon and open my electric bill.  $413.  WHAT??  Looking at it closer, it has both last residence and this residence on the bill.  I call, explain.  They made a mistake.  They took off my old residence.  I still owe $289.  WHAT? 

I explain to the guy at the energy place, and later had the same spiel with my landlord.  What in the world am I doing that is using so much energy?
- my thermostat is set anywhere  between 58-60 degrees.  Sometimes when my nose is super cold I turn it up to 62 for a bit.  I literally walk around this house in my robe ALL THE TIME because its so cold.  I asked for slippers for Christmas (and received them - thanks!) because the floor is so cold my feet are like icicles all the time and regular socks don't cut it. 
- I was gone for almost 2 weeks during the billing cycle.  My refrigerator was on.  The heat was set on 55 to make sure the pipes didn't burst.  That was it.
- My dryer broke at the beginning of December, aka the billing cycle.  Therefore, I haven't run the dryer for most of the month of December...instead electing to use twine and random hooks in my kitchen as a make-shift clothesline.
- I don't own a TV.  I don't have that running all the time.
- My laptop, which is the only extra appliance I keep plugged in all the time, is constantly switching to power saver and turns itself off.
- I close the doors of the 2 bedrooms I don't use so they're not heated.  The thermostat is in the living room, which is the warmest room in the house. 

So, I asked...what in the world?

The guy at the power company honestly didn't give a crap about my predicament.  He suggested I look online for energy saving tips. 

My landlord offered to change the heating elements of the water heater.  Its old.  The tank is larger than I am and the hot water only lasts for about 10 minutes.  He thinks that might help.

Then he suggested I turn in my car and buy one from him.  My response was along the lines of "if I need to pay $300 a month in electricity I will not be able to afford one of your cars". 

Then, to top it off, I cleaned out the dishwasher (on energy save/water miser setting), and I only pulled out part of one of my new birthday wineglasses.  I fished out one of the missing parts out of the bottom of the dishwasher.  There's still about a 1 inch square piece of glass thats missing.  I'm hoping it is ground up and in glass heaven, because I searched the dishwasher and its not there.

I keep telling myself to count my blessings.  Look at all the good things that have happened in the past few days:
- my trainee is actually enjoyable and is making progress.  I like working with her.  I'm enjoying my job (granted, not the hours, but I like the job part).
- my mom sent me a "thinking about you" text at 0430 this morning that made me smile.
- I had an awesome weekend hanging out with friends
- I had a friend able to guess what was wrong with me yesterday by just a text message that said "Eh", and he then spent all day texting me to cheer me up while I was at work.  Talk about the longest text conversation ever.  I had to text back undercover (I can't use my phone while at work), but was willing to risk it because he made me smile.  He was so freaking UNDERSTANDING, and said the exact things I needed to hear.  I told him a little of the continuing saga today and he came to visit me because he knew I was having a hard time. 

But still.  I get home today, deal with my electric bill mess, and I just feel...tired.

And defeated.

Today was the only day out of a string of 5 I could make it to the gym, and I couldn't even make myself go for the endorphin rush. 

I'm not trying to be a gigantic, weepy stick in the mud, chanting "woe is me", to anyone who is willing to listen.  I'm not.  I just wish wish wish wish wish I could come out on top somehow.  Right now I'm stuck somewhere at the bottom.

"Whats right is wrong
Whats come has gone
Whats clear and pure
Is not so sure.
It came to me
All promises become a lie
All thats benign corrupts in time"
~ Bad Religion

The First of the Year

Cleaned up at Goodwill yesterday.  Am pretty excited because I fit into a lot of pants that are the next size down from what I was wearing. 

I wasn't planning on shopping at all, but I took a good hard look at my closet and realized I probably should:  2 pairs of my favorite jeans recently ripped in unfixable places, and the jeans I was wearing on Saturday are now so big that I swim in them.  And not the cute "her jeans are a size too big" big, but more like "she looks like a clown in those jeans" big.  Plus, I'm down to 4 pairs of work pants, 3 of which the waist sags because they are no longer the right size. 

My Goodwill loot:  5 long sleeve shirts, 2 sweaters, 9 pairs of work pants, 1 pair of Born shoes, and 2 pairs of jeans...

Can you tell what my favorite colors to wear are...???

My favorite deal of the day...a new pair of pants from the Limited with their original tags on...

I feel bad talking about my Goodwill good luck when crap is happening elsewhere though:

One of my friends is fairly verbal on the subject of police officer safety, and posts all officers killed from the Officer Down Memorial Page.  (If you ever want to be humbled or read something sad - go to ODMP.org and read the posts and the reflections.)

On January 1st at 6:30 am, my friend posted:  "We ended 2011 with 163 law enforcement officers killed in the line of duty, an increase from 2010. We start 2012 with a blank slate. Each New Year presents an exciting possibility that memorial services can go on hiatus for the entire year. But in such times of discourse, misunderstanding, wariness, and training budgets being cut, I know it's just a matter of time before we put the black bands over our badges.


Love your police officers, deputies and troopers. You may not always see eye to eye, but they're keepers at the gate separating you from evil."

Just 4 HOURS later, he writes: "It didn't take long... New Year's Day isn't half over and already two law enforcement officers are dead. Keep their friends and families in your thoughts and prayers."

One officer is from my state; no, I didn't work with her, but I know people who did.  This is her ODMP page.

You want to know the part of my job that gets me? Its this.  I can deal with the crying callers, listening to people scream in the background of collisions, officers yelling over the radio.  I can compartamentalize that until it no longer affects me as much as it once did.  But this is what I worry about - hearing someone's last words on the radio.  Knowing that they will never able to sign out of service again.  And to tell you the truth, its probably the biggest fear of all dispatchers:  we want our "guys" to come home safely at the end of every night. 

So, if you want to pray for people you haven't met, pray for the men and women in law enforcement.  Pray for their families, whose daily worry is so much greater than my own. 
 
* Climbs off soap box *
 
One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this: To rise above the little things.
~ John Burroughs

The day after thanks

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving.  Mine was indeed fabulous, thanks for asking.  I went to a friend's house who does an annual "orphan Thanksgiving" and had a marvelous time.  I really needed to recharge my social batteries with conversation that did not revolve around training or work related things. 

After dinner I went to work and was forced to do overtime.  During the 4 hours before I was relieved I dispatched and kept track of over 30 collisions.  It was beyond crazy.  Its wintertime, people...watch out for black ice!!! 

Of course, as I was driving home, I was the jerk going 10 miles under the speed limit because I didn't want to join the legions who were sitting in the ditch.  I'm sure people had some choice words about me, but I'm okay with that...I got home safely.

I do have some last minute things to shop for due to my move (like my stove light that just went out - convenient!), but I think I'm going to wait til tomorrow.  Tonight is a packing night, then a 12 hour shift, then I'm going to do a walk through and get the keys tomorrow...then sleep...then finish the rest of the packing...then move Sunday morning at 9am!!!  Whew!

I told a friend yesterday that I have a strict budget of my time already laid out from then until next Wednesday evening the 30th and if anything happened I hadn't budgeted for it would throw a major kink in the works.  Well, I already had to work overtime this morning, which threw off my sleep schedule because now I'm up and have a feeling I'm going to be punchy from lack of sleep for the rest of the night.

Two more weeks til I'm on vacation.  I tell you, that time cannot come soon enough. 

Thanksgiving feast.  Grace moved when I tried to take her picture

The dessert I couldn't wait to eat...

The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.
~ George Bernard Shaw

Checklist

So far today, I've...

Woken up early and cut my coffee time short
Gave my monthly dose of blood to the vampires at group health
Scored a bunch of free packing boxes from the husband of a coworker
Had a friend over to sort through all my future Goodwill donations (she took most of my blouses...awesome!)
Talked to my future landlord twice (he assures me he sent my paperwork Friday.  Its Wednesday and I still haven't seen it).
Got in my hours worth of sweat at the gym
Walked Atticus in the pouring down rain
Shopped for food for tonight's work meeting (yes, another one....)
Have played enough Word Feud amongst all the above to raise my IQ 3 points
Now I'm all showered and squeaky clean and ready to leave for work in about 30 minutes. 

Although I still haven't technically applied for the house etc I feel pretty good about it.  Its still a big source of stress in my life though.  I hate not knowing something.  I also wonder how soon in advance I need to schedule movers?  I have a company in mind, but hesitate to book them yet. 

Oh wait, how could I forget...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PAPA!!!!!

Skipping is oxygen for the soul. ~ Jessi Lane Adams

More....stress

I'm stressed again.  Not that stress isn't something I always carry around, but I've got an overwhelming dose of it lately.  I'm in that "I have so much to do that all I really want to do is go back to bed and hide under the covers" stress mode. 

Lets overview, shall we? Feel free to skip over the next couple of paragraphs and go right down to the picture.  I just need to vent. 

JOB:  I'm in that stage where I don't want to go to work and feel like I am 2 months overdue for a vacation.  I'm short tempered and have lost just about all of my compassion.  I was complaining to a friend about it who told me I was describing burn-out.  I have 6 more weeks til I'm on vacation.  *deep breath*

I had a meeting at work last night that put me in such an angry funk, that after I drove around for awhile and came home and tried to relax, I ended up paying my bills online to make myself feel like I had at least accomplished something that day.  This morning I realized I wasn't supposed to pay bills with this paycheck, I was supposed to pay my rent.  WHOOPS.  I knew something was off when I was paying them (like the absense of an electric bill - the only bill I have that changes from month to month).  *deep breath*

My schedule changes weekly (yes, literally, changes weekly).  The ONLY good thing about that is I'm supposed to get a 4 day weekend right after Thanksgiving.  Which is about the time I'm planning to move.  Which brings me to....

MOVING:  I found a house.  Its cute and quirky and roomy and pretty much perfect.  I found it through a friend, so it was never listed online or anywhere else.  What's the problem, you ask?  Well, I saw it a week ago, shook the landlord's hand as he said he would mail all the paperwork to me to get started on the application and credit check process.  And I haven't gotten the paperwork yet.  I know he's a busy guy, but I hesitate to say "I'm moving!", when I haven't even been approved for the place yet.  I want to call, but I don't want to bother him.  *deep breath*

Which brings me to....do I start to pack?  I look around and immediately become overwhelmed.  Where the heck did I get all this crap?  I should stop buying books.  And fabric.  And craft supplies.  And soap.  *deep breath*

OTHER STUFF:  I have a lot of stuff to do otherwise.  I want to get finished on birthday projects for the year (sorry to all of you who are owed belated gifts.  I'm either working on them or have them somewhere in the works!)  But, I don't want to drag everything back out if I'm just going to pack it up again.  How silly is it to be sewing while I'm packing?  Right?  But since I'm not packing, do I start sewing?  *deep breath*

TIME:  I feel like I have no time to do everything.  But then when I do have time, I indulge myself in my anxiety ridden worries and end up not being productive at all.  *deep breath*

COPING:  I am coping with stress by sweating it out at the gym.  I know I spend probably too much time there, but I'm willing to do it because it gets rid of all the physical signs of stress I would normally have at this point:  nausea, eye twitches, tension headaches, etc. 

So, there you have it.  What's been on my mind this week and what will undoubtably be on my mind for weeks to come.  Sorry to vent, but I really needed to. 

I'll end with a picture of Atticus.  Who is stressed that I'm stressed.  I keep telling him he's getting a fenced back yard to play in, but I don't think the message is getting through.

We have forty million reasons for failure, but not a single excuse. ~ Rudyard Kipling

Another round of birthdays and an update

My coffee finally kicked in about 5 minutes ago, so I can write without totally coming across like Eeoyre.  I worked a 12 hour shift yesterday while being up for 24 hours so I was in actual physical pain when I went to bed this morning.  And woke up this evening.  I could probably also tribute that to Pilates, but while I have a scapegoat, we'll just use work as my excuse. 

I did have an evening at the gym scheduled with a friend tonight but I had to cancel due to the overtime.  I'm bummed about not getting in my endorphin rush and spending time catching up with her, but I'm enjoying my time at home with Atticus.  I think he misses me when I'm gone all the time.  Maybe. 

Anyways, a quick life update:  I'm looking for a rental house to move into.  Although yes, this is the time to BUY a house, just thinking about doing that by myself in this area and this day gives me an anxiety attack, so for the time being at least I'm sticking with rentals. 

I thought I had very few demands.  I'm not picky about space or number of bathrooms.  I want to live in a certain area, with a certain rent, and a yard (it doesn't even have to be fenced!) for Atticus.  Apparently the combo of those 3 things is either rare, or a hot commodity.  If I hear "that was rented just yesterday" from one more property manager I might knock my head against the wall.  I keep getting my hopes up about really cool sounding places only to be knocked down a couple pegs when I hear they're no longer available.  Case in point:  I saw a for rent sign by the side of the road on Sunday.  Called yesterday (Tuesday.  No, I have no excuse why I waited so long).  Received a callback while at the gym so I didn't hear my phone.  I was busy all night so I didn't get a chance to call back.  Overtime this morning so by the time I got home I was too tired to call.  Called the guy back this evening, and as he told me all about it I got super excited how perfect it sounded.  Then he said..."I have one interested person who is handing their application in tomorrow".  *sigh*   Is it wrong to hope they have horrible credit or bad rental history?  Or will Karma get me for that one?  I should hear by Friday whether their application was accepted or not. 

So, thats whats going on with me.  Its a frustrating and anxiety ridden process.  Do I start to pack things just hoping I get a house before December?  Do I spend the $40 application fee at all the local property management places and take the hit to my credit (apparently having your credit run multiple times in a short amount of time is negative) and to my bank account?  Sometimes being an adult has its drawbacks. 

Anyways, now that I updated you, here's some photos!

My sister Michelle's birthday was 2 1/2 months ago.  Yup, just now sending that out.  Anyways, she suggested wine glass markers, which was a fun suggestion and a fun thing to experiment with.  They weren't perfect (the wire I used was too pliable), but I think they turned out kinda cool!

I used a mixture of glass beads and homemade clay beads...

Here they are all together.  I think they look neat. 

My niece Sarah's birthday was 2 months ago.  She requested a banner like I made her brother in January. 

I used a reverse applique process for the letters, and through a creative mistake, I had to stick them in the dryer, where they fuzzed up a little.  I think it gave them a cute look.

Because I sent their presents together, I also whipped up a couple of rings in various sizes (although to be honest I really guessed at the smaller sizes - I have no idea how big kids fingers are)...

An up-close and personal look at a couple (I think they look cooler up-close)...

Happy Birthday Michelle and Sarah!!!!!  (Sorry I forgot to put cards in the box!)

While I was uploading pictures, I thought I'd upload a picture of my latest creation (I should say "creation") - me, the non vegetable eater, was drawn in by farm fresh vegetables so I ended up making a vegetable mix (and had to call my mom on vacation to ask her how to season it and bake it)....

A mix of acorn squash, zucchini, sweet potatoes, gold potatoes, some weird kind of purple potato, and red potatoes. 

Looks good enough to eat!!!

Well, if you'd a'took to me like

a gull takes to the wind

well I'd a'jumped from my tree

and I'd a'danced like the king of the eyesores

and the rest of our lives would a'fared well.

~ The Shins

Updating

I had a lot of new stuff to post, but I can't remember a single thing right now.  Or at least, anything interesting...

Hell Run is this Saturday morning.  I bought an awesome pair of sneakers at Goodwill for it.  (I needed another pair of shoes I could donate to the mudpile).

I went shopping at Joann Fabrics yesterday...spent $20.07 & saved $20.05.  Love it when a plan works.

Shipped off packages for my friend Katie and my brother-in-law Jason.  As soon as I hear from them I'll post pictures. 

Cut out and bought everything I need for my niece, Sarah's, birthday present.  Need to find the hours to sew.  When thats finished I can send her present plus my sisters present together.  Sorry, Michelle, yours has been completed and sitting in a box for weeks now.

My experiment with my brother Andre's present was not quite a full success.  I'm going to have to make something else to include as a "sorry I apparently can't follow a tutorial right" present. :)

Planted the broken off stem from my angel wing plant.  I poke at it every day to make sure its not dying a slow death in soil.

Unclogged my bathroom drain on the first Drano attempt.

Finally told my apartment manager I'm planning on leaving when my lease is up the end of November.  Hoping to find a rental house with a backyard for Atticus.  I'm not picky about house size, but I'm picky about location, the yard factor, and rent.  So far, no luck.  I can always re-sign a new lease November 30th, but I really don't want to stay here for another 6 months.  Three years is long enough.

Started counting calories again.  Realized one of the reasons I haven't lost weight - I either calorie starve myself or eat too many calories or any given day.  Not purposefully of course, I just eat when I'm hungry.  I also didn't realize how many calories I was actually losing at the gym and not replacing with actual food.  Silly me.

Still drink way too much coffee.

Started doing a pilates class.  Although its not listed as a strength class (its listed as cardio), its more of a strength class for me.  Kinda like more intensive yoga.  I always feel taller when I leave. 

The weather here is turning to fall.  Makes me sad.  I love fall, but I hate the rain.  It hasn't rained too much, but the rain we've had has been intensive.  I forgot how much I hate driving in downpours. 

I'm turning into a Trader Joes addict.  I don't understand it.  Other than their food is yummy and simple and caters to my lazy anti-cooking self. 

Well, my dryer just dinged, and Atticus is staring at me through the screen door (he wants to take a walk), so I better wrap up my super thrilling update list. 

Don't have any other relevant pictures other than....you guessed it...Atticus!!!!!  (He was intensely focused on hunting a fly.  It was hilarious.  Every time he snapped at the fly on the back door he ran into the door himself.  Ignore the bucket of car stuff...that needs to go to storage.)

How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
~ Abraham Lincoln

Locomotive

I had an extremely frustrating night at work, and then when I went to sleep I steamed about almost everything.  I apparently steamed in my sleep too because I had horrible dreams and I woke up even more mad and frustrated than when I went to sleep. 

I'm trying to de-anger right now but its not working:  I just woke up 30 minutes ago, and I only have 1 hour before I have to start getting ready for work.  Lovely overtime doesn't give me enough time to decompress. 

So, right now I guess I need to come up with a really positive spin on how I feel about a really unpositive situation.  Otherwise I'll end up spewing word vomit at the really wrong time and in a really wrong way. 

And Karma???  Please please please hurry up.  I need you to humble someone for me.

My african violet flower doesn't even make me feel better. 

The right to do something does not mean that doing it is right. ~ William Safire