Maleficient

Here's some griping. 

I have one line of a Shel Silverstein poem playing on repeat in my head.  The poem goes like this: "I do not want to go to school today, said little Peggy Ann Mckay..."

The line in my head is going: "I do not want to go to work today..."

Same old same old. 

I know a lot of it is me - I need to learn to work with some people and I need to figure out a way to overcome MY shortcomings in working with them so I can help them deal with THEIR shortcomings as below-par coworkers.  Man, if that isn't passive aggressive.  But its true.  Unfortunately, with my job, their shortcomings fall on my shoulders, and then the fact that I can't be perfect and deal with their shortcomings in a perfect way falls on my shoulders too.  No wonder I have no patience.  Because I know: every misstep, every mess-up big or small.  My fault.  Doesn't matter who did it.  Its my fault.  Its starting to get on my nerves.  I told my supervisor I was starting to dread coming to work.  He told me thats something else I need to work on. 

Blargh Blah Hiss

I have all this advice roaring around in my head, so I really don't need any more.  I'm trying to walk in other people's shoes, get in their heads, see life from their direction, trying to bring them up to "my level", trying this trying that etc.  And it always falls down to one moment when I just snap and say the wrong thing the right way or the right thing the wrong way etc.  Then all the past hours of me being patient, grinding my teeth over petty annoyances, and the effort I made to help my coworker all gets flushed away.  And I end up metaphorically banging my head on my keyboard because I know I have to start all over, and do this again day after day after day.  AFTER being contacted by my supervisor who tells me everything I'm doing wrong.

And thats just on my regular shift.  Heaven help me if I work partially on another shift.  Thats a whole other can of worms.

I was told that I need to be myself while being a better version of myself.  Yes, I know.  I'm getting head-pains from all my internal eye rolls.

Wonder why I don't want to go to work?

Anyways, I'm running about 4 hours behind today because of a 12 hour shift yesterday.  Late start, and I'm already feeling blargh-ish.  GREAT!

So, here's a picture of Atticus I took with another special effects camera - Warhol style.

"Sometimes we don't do things we want to do so that others won't know we want to do them." ~ Ivy Walker, The Village