I've been dealing with something personal that only got worse today. Just plain old bad news. Can't talk about it but I wish I could express the complete depths of my disappointment with the whole situation. Quite simply, I was let down in a big way.
I get home this afternoon and open my electric bill. $413. WHAT?? Looking at it closer, it has both last residence and this residence on the bill. I call, explain. They made a mistake. They took off my old residence. I still owe $289. WHAT?
I explain to the guy at the energy place, and later had the same spiel with my landlord. What in the world am I doing that is using so much energy?
- my thermostat is set anywhere between 58-60 degrees. Sometimes when my nose is super cold I turn it up to 62 for a bit. I literally walk around this house in my robe ALL THE TIME because its so cold. I asked for slippers for Christmas (and received them - thanks!) because the floor is so cold my feet are like icicles all the time and regular socks don't cut it.
- I was gone for almost 2 weeks during the billing cycle. My refrigerator was on. The heat was set on 55 to make sure the pipes didn't burst. That was it.
- My dryer broke at the beginning of December, aka the billing cycle. Therefore, I haven't run the dryer for most of the month of December...instead electing to use twine and random hooks in my kitchen as a make-shift clothesline.
- I don't own a TV. I don't have that running all the time.
- My laptop, which is the only extra appliance I keep plugged in all the time, is constantly switching to power saver and turns itself off.
- I close the doors of the 2 bedrooms I don't use so they're not heated. The thermostat is in the living room, which is the warmest room in the house.
So, I asked...what in the world?
The guy at the power company honestly didn't give a crap about my predicament. He suggested I look online for energy saving tips.
My landlord offered to change the heating elements of the water heater. Its old. The tank is larger than I am and the hot water only lasts for about 10 minutes. He thinks that might help.
Then he suggested I turn in my car and buy one from him. My response was along the lines of "if I need to pay $300 a month in electricity I will not be able to afford one of your cars".
Then, to top it off, I cleaned out the dishwasher (on energy save/water miser setting), and I only pulled out part of one of my new birthday wineglasses. I fished out one of the missing parts out of the bottom of the dishwasher. There's still about a 1 inch square piece of glass thats missing. I'm hoping it is ground up and in glass heaven, because I searched the dishwasher and its not there.
I keep telling myself to count my blessings. Look at all the good things that have happened in the past few days:
- my trainee is actually enjoyable and is making progress. I like working with her. I'm enjoying my job (granted, not the hours, but I like the job part).
- my mom sent me a "thinking about you" text at 0430 this morning that made me smile.
- I had an awesome weekend hanging out with friends
- I had a friend able to guess what was wrong with me yesterday by just a text message that said "Eh", and he then spent all day texting me to cheer me up while I was at work. Talk about the longest text conversation ever. I had to text back undercover (I can't use my phone while at work), but was willing to risk it because he made me smile. He was so freaking UNDERSTANDING, and said the exact things I needed to hear. I told him a little of the continuing saga today and he came to visit me because he knew I was having a hard time.
But still. I get home today, deal with my electric bill mess, and I just feel...tired.
And defeated.
Today was the only day out of a string of 5 I could make it to the gym, and I couldn't even make myself go for the endorphin rush.
I'm not trying to be a gigantic, weepy stick in the mud, chanting "woe is me", to anyone who is willing to listen. I'm not. I just wish wish wish wish wish I could come out on top somehow. Right now I'm stuck somewhere at the bottom.
"Whats right is wrong
Whats come has gone
Whats clear and pure
Is not so sure.
It came to me
All promises become a lie
All thats benign corrupts in time"
~ Bad Religion
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